Being able to express yourself is one of the biggest benefits of writing a blog. Ghostwritermum - aka Susanne, a mum of two and a teacher - talks here about what spurred her to blog and gives her advice on making the most out of confessional writing. She writes:
I recently read an article that stated that most bloggers started up their blogs as a reaction to a traumatic or distressing event in their lives and that this was particularly true of parent bloggers. The article certainly struck a chord with me as it summed up the very reason I created ghostwritermummy.
My son was born in December 2009 following a traumatic labour which had been fraught with problems before it had even begun. In the end I was put under general anaesthetic and my son was taken from me, limp and blue... but alive. We have been through some trying times since that day.
He was diagnosed with reflux at the age of three weeks and rarely slept due to the pain. At the same time, I was suffering the after effects of his birth, both physically and emotionally and so bonding with him was a longer process than I had been expecting. I began to suffer from insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks and flashbacks. My GP seemed unable to help me and the waiting list for counselling was so long that my son would be at school before anyone was ready to listen to me.
I sought support from wherever I could and ended up writing for my local NCT newsletter. One of the ladies there suggested I started a blog and so ghostwritermummy was born. At first, I didn’t want anyone to read it but slowly, I began to rebuild a little confidence and I began to involve myself in the community. When I published my birth story, I was overwhelmed at how many other women contacted me to tell me their story. I published a birth trauma page and invited some fabulous bloggers to share their stories with me. I began to open up about what had happened to me. People close to me began to read my blog and to understand a little about things that had been happening since my son was born.
My blog became my therapy and it began to open up doors for me. I made it through my son’s first birthday without any tears. I became able to talk about his birth rationally and with clarity, for the first time. I started to see that what had happened to us should not have happened. My blog became an open door.
I contacted the Birth Trauma Association, who had been a huge lifeline for me in the early days after my son’s birth. I registered as a media volunteer and to write for their newsletter in an effort to raise awareness of the important work that they do. I began to feel that finally, something good could come from it all.
The real turning point for me came when I was contacted by Jayne at Mum’s The Word. She has also blogged about birth trauma and also felt that her blog had been her saviour at times. We decided to set up Maternity Matters, a blog dedicated towards supporting and educating women about birth trauma, making positive birth choices and campaigning for better maternity care. We have had many other bloggers volunteering to help us either by sharing their story or by contributing their knowledge in other areas. It has been amazing. We are still in the early days but we believe that if we can help at least one other family then it will have been worth it.
All of this from one little blog! I love my blog. I love that I can write about the things that scare me and the things that upset me. I love that my blog has helped me through the most difficult chapter of my life so far and that it has opened up the possibility of so much more. I love that my blog is my therapy. There are no waiting lists here, just an empty page- and there is no danger of running out of things to say, not when it is this important.
There is so much that one can get from blogging as therapy. I’ve recommended it to a friend who now says that putting her feelings onto paper helps her to prioritise her worries. Blogging about your concerns helps you get some perspective and the community surrounding parent bloggers is so apparent in the comments, advice and support that comes flooding in. My tips for would-be bloggers who are thinking it could be a kind of therapy for them are:
1. Write it. Get it down on screen and you may find that’s enough. I have many posts sitting as drafts that have closed a chapter for me and don’t need to be published. Yet.
2. Get involved in the community. Get your name out there and accept the support that will come your way. There are so many other bloggers out there who have been through what you have and if they haven’t, they will be willing to read about it and offer support anyway.
3. Write for yourself. Don’t worry about making your readers depressed or want to turn off. Your blog is your own and you don’t need to apologise for what you write.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to get involved in other organisations. Contacting the Birth Trauma Association and setting up Maternity Matters has been one of the most beneficial things I have done. One voice is rarely loud enough- a whole host of bloggers just might make a difference.
